The Bling and The Boo: I’m Engaged!


the location

I’m officially off the market y’all. Dunzo. It’s a wrap. Singledom has come to a screeching halt. Of course, I’ve technically been off the market for the past 2 years, but this makes it all the way official.

In the midst of the excitement and joy, I was bombarded with questions from friends and fam that I felt obliged to answer:


the boo

How do you feel? I felt happy and nervous.

Was it a surprise? Getting engaged was NOT a surprise. You don’t know someone 14 years, date them for 2 and never discuss your future.

How did he do it? How he did it was the surprise. It was in the middle of a workday, during an impromptu lunch, in the least obvious location.

When is the wedding? The wedding will be in Hawaii next year and only include my immediate family.

Did you want to shout it off the mountaintops?  I actually kept the news to myself for one WHOLE day. Then I told those closest to me. On day three, I announced it on Facebook.

How does it feel to be off the market? Well, even when I’ve tried to stay single, I ended up in a relationship. So being committed isn’t new. But right before the S.O. and I started dating, I was truly alone. And it was great! Now, because I’m marrying my best friend, it just feels….right.

the bling

I’m sure there are more questions to come, but I can say this: People LOVE love. And I can’t blame them; it’s a beautiful, crazy, ridiculous thing.


i said yes


Why I’ve Been MIA

I’m guilty. I did it. But it was an accident, I swear!

photo 3

I’ve officially been MIA (missing in adventure) from my blog. Don’t you hate when that happens? Luckily, I’m in good company – two of my fave bloggers (Fashionista Next Door & The Tiny Closet) have also taken a slight break. Whew!

It’s not that I haven’t had anything to talk about. It’s quite the opposite, really.  As summer comes to a ceremonious close, I can’t help but choose silence as solace for all the craziness surrounding me.

As absent as I’ve been from le blog, is as active as I’ve been on my usually-abandoned social networks. I’ve posted more on Instagram and Facebook in the last month than I have all year. Since I returned from my big trip to London, life has been nonstop. Now that I’m ready to talk about it all, I’m finding it challenging to put the words on paper, thus the delay. I’m sure you can tell from this post alone that I’m still a bit weathered from the excitement. With all of that being said, here’s what’s up and coming on The Bayarean:

  • The Bling and the Boo – I’m Engaged!
  • Cohabitation Here I Come
  • The Moving Blues
  • Pulling the Plug on my Past
  • I Solemnly Swear to Not Cuss You Out & End Our Friendship

Love and Loss


Love doesn’t have to end just because the relationship does. While this statement seems obvious, I’ve only JUST reached the point where I can accept this. The ending of a relationship sucks us dry emotionally. With time, we reach a point where we climb off the rollercoaster for good. We usually call that point closure. But sometimes, in rare situations, closure comes with accepting the sentiment above: Love doesn’t have to end just because the relationship does.

I strongly believe in charismatic connections, which I’d describe as two people being drawn to one another rigorously, and without restraint. These types of connections are few and far between, but when they occur, they’re unstoppable. I know that these connections often cause havoc. I also know that most people deny themselves this, because truthfully, it doesn’t always happen with the person you’d expect, or prefer. Denial is a smart choice. Indulgence is a scary one. As the adventurous type, I tumbled down a long road of redemption, attempting to leave all regrets behind. But I struggled with one last notion: how do I let the love go?

quoted (640x389)

The relationship HAD to end; there was no question about that. The friendship could be distanced. The chemistry could be quelled. And space is the answer to everything. But love? Love does what it wants. I tried over and over again, failing miserably. Finally, I decided on a passive form of conflict management: avoidance.

That worked for quite some time, until recent events evoked serious emotions. Then, after having a conversation with my sister (who always drops nuggets of wisdom), I realized my internal struggle was an unnecessary battle. Who said love had to end? Love is the most human emotion. Every human being deserves at least that, love. Why would I stop loving this person? And so I won’t . And I make no apologies about it.

What I Learned About Myself While Traveling Abroad

1. I’m fully capable

2014-07-20 18.42.56 (2)

This may seem like an obvious sentiment, but for me, it was a revelation. This was my first trip abroad, and I traveled alone for the first 24 hours. It was inspirational, if even a little scary. But I only proved to myself what my heart screamed all along: I’m capable of whatever I put my mind to.

2. Traveling alone is fulfilling

2014-07-17 11.43.50

Though I only spent one day to myself, traveling and sightseeing alone in a foreign place was exhilarating. It was peaceful and brought me an inexplicable joy. If you have the chance to do it, take advantage.

3. I’m not a fan of Shakespeare like I thought I was

2014-07-18 13.20.39

As an avid fan of literature, I regrettably admit that Shakespeare just doesn’t do it for me. The last time I was interested in Shakespeare, Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio were onscreen. The Shakespeare Globe Theater (seen above) was blandly interesting, but not enough to keep us on on the tour. Sorry, not sorry!

4. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but also provides clarity


Any qualms or sentiments I’d buried all came to the forefront of my mind while I was gone. During the relaxing, but long bus rides, I had plenty time to think. And think. And consider. And analyze. I settled a lot of internal arguments with myself, and made peace with lingering emotions. It was cathartic in so many ways.

5. I am me, unconditionally, wherever I go

2014-07-17 15.21.35

Traveling opened not only my mind, but my heart. It brought the vastness of possibility back into my life. It reminded me how blessed I am, and inspired me to move forward with purpose. That being said, I’m “me” wherever I go. Same free spirit, same sarcasm, same humor, same flaws and same shine. London or New York or San Francisco. I can’t escape me, and I love that.

6. One real friend is all you need

2014-07-20 18.37.50

My friend history has many ups and downs. I take friendship seriously, so I’ve let a lot of relationships go that just weren’t working anymore. That being said, I’d quickly trade 10 friends for the 1 amazing one I do have. When I say we had a blast, that’s an understatement!

7. God is everywhere

2014-07-15 16.39.40

Whether you believe in God, or some other form of creator, you cannot deny natural beauty. My trip to Stonehenge took my breath away. No words can capture that presence of greatness, but it was a blessing to bear witness to such a magnificent creation.

A Dream Fulfilled: I’m Going to London

One of my favorite poems is Dreams by Harlem Renaissance poet Langston Hughes. As a child, my siblings and I memorized his words and never forgot them. (My mom is a direct product of the black power movement in the Bay Area, and she instilled a source of cultural pride in us early). Now, as I prepare to spend a glorious week across the pond, Langston’s words come to mind:

Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams,
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

I never forgot these words, though I faltered and stumbled (and still do) along the way. Dreams are for keeping, harvesting and fulfilling. Though traveling is often viewed as an expected privilege by many, for me, it’s a dream come true. I’ve always seen myself as a free spirit, bound by responsibilities, but unchained by my dreams. Now, as I inch closer to completing just one of these dreams, I’m filled with an optimism and determination to believe in ALL of my dreams coming true. God said it, and HE can do it! So it’s done.

Wish me luck!