Dating: How Close is Too Close?

When you’re dating, how close is too close of a relationship?


I think most couples go through a phase when they want to spend every other second together. Some may even attempt to do so, much to the chagrin of their friends and family, but that usually fades eventually. Right? Or does it?

Any relationship expert would say that it is essential to maintain an identity and sense of individuality in relationships, to which I would wholeheartedly agree. There’s nothing worse than that friend whose personality changes with each boyfriend. You know the one. They become who they date. I’m against that, because most relationships end, and when they do, what will you have left? Aside from the sense of loss and grief that usually follows a relationships’ demise, you’ll also have to endure a lost identity. No thank you! I love who I am, single or attached. So though I’ve steered clear of becoming THAT person, I must admit that recent circumstances have allowed me to objectively reflect on my own level of closeness in relationships. And the results, though not shocking, were somewhat surprising.

In a committed relationship (I’m on my third), I’m the type to be very close to my partner. For me, this is usually a result of how the relationship began, which ultimately was out of a friendship. Yes, every person I’ve had a serious relationship with was my friend first. We swapped secrets before we ever shared kisses, and respect developed before romance, thus the transition into relationship was a usually a smooth one. Usually that is.

This time, however, I’m in uncharted territory. Though friendship has always come before relationship, I’ve never dated my best friend. This is the first of its kind. As assumed, we know so much of each other that after we surpassed the challenges and tribulations, we’ve grown closer than ever. We love spending time with one another. Sure, we bicker here and there, but we were like that even as platonic friends. So for me, the question of “too close” never crossed my mind. Until now.

With that being said, we don’t spend every day together. We don’t talk on the phone every 5 minutes, though we text throughout the day. We each have other friends and family we go to hang with separately, and we don’t live together. But we do spend as much time together as possible, we do workout together, we go to church together, and we spend more time with one another than with friends. Still, the question remains.

How close is too close?

2 thoughts on “Dating: How Close is Too Close?

  1. I think the important thing here is the intention. Where do you see this going? Where would you LIKE for this friendship to go? Do you think furthering your relationship with this person is a good idea?

    If you and this person are on the SAME page, go for it. Live. Date. Get close(r). Fall in love. Don’t restrict yourself but I’m a firm believer to please, make sure you’re both rocking in the same boat.

    • I agree with you. Point taken! When you are simply dating and just taking it as is, then closeness is not always necessary, or has its limits. But when you are both talking future plans and on the same page and path together, why not fall in love and go the whole way? You never know until you try!I think the most important point is to always maintain an identity, no matter your relationship status.

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